If I hear one more person ask, "Do YOU breastfeed your baby?" I think they may find themselves on the receiving end of a punch to the face or a knee to the groin! This JUST happened, hence the frustration and anger in this blog!
Now... this is something that I get riled up about BECAUSE... there are so many ignorant, insensitive women (and MEN... the Breastfeeding Nazi from WIC) out there that really think it's their right to get all up in your business and then relay their WONDERFUL stories of their success with breastfeeding, some may not realize how hurtful their stories may be or realize the look that comes over their face when I say, "No, I don't breastfeed." Some of you "bottle moms" know what I mean... the look that says, "Oh my goodness... she DOESN'T BREASTFEED?! Doesn't she LOVE her BABY?!?!" Yeah... the look that "bottle moms" know ALL TOO WELL! A little advice for the well meaning and not so well meaning quizical breastfeeding moms out there:
1. Just don't ask... it's really none of your business what I do with my boobs!
2. "Bottle moms" love their children just as much as "Breast moms" do.
3. If you are insensitive enough to ask the dreaded question "Do YOU breastfeed?"... and you receive a "No, I don't" in return... DON'T ask the even more dreaded question of, "WHY?????". For the moms who DON'T know... this question may stir up some troubling feelings for the mother. We dread the looks we get. We dread the tone of the voice we will get when this awful follow up question is asked. WHY... you'd like to know... well... because here is what often takes place in the "Bottle moms" mind.
THOUGHT BUBBLE "Why... WHY WHY... did you just ask me that question? It's none of your business! Here comes "the look". Here comes "their breastfeeding success story" (even though I didn't ask for it, I just want them to SHUT UP!) Now I have to tell them why I don't breastfeed and try to justify it so that I don't get "the bad mom vibe"."
So the question is asked... no turning back now. The "breast mom" is staring at you, waiting for your answer, in order to rate it. For example:
"WHY DON'T YOU BREASTFEED?"
Scenario #1
"Bottle mom" reply - "Well, I have health issues and take medication and I don't want to pass it on to my baby."
"Breast mom" reply - "Oh, that's too bad." OR "Well can't you switch medications so that you CAN?"
Now this reason for not breastfeeding usually satisfies the "breast mom's" question. This says that the "bottle mom" really cares about the baby enough to not transmit the meds to the baby and is therefore usually acceptable in their eyes. And... the questioning ends there. But watch out! Sometimes the questions just don't stop!
Scenario #2
"I just don't produce enough milk for my baby."
"Well, have you talked to a lactation consultant? Don't quit now! Keep trying!"
There is NO OTHER WAY... BREASTFEEDING MUST OCCUR, even though your baby is being malnourished. Don't even THINK about supplementing... do NOT confuse them with another nipple!
Scenario #3
"My baby won't latch on."
"Sometimes it hurts, but it's the best for your baby! You can pump. Why don't you PUMP?"
You must NOT use a bottle or the baby will NEVER go back to the breast! THERE IS NO OTHER WAY BESIDES THE BOOB!!!
Scenario #4
"It hurts. I'm in constant pain. I don't know if I'm doing it right."
"Well, I breastfed through cracked and bleeding nipples..." BLAH BLAH BLAH...
GUESS WHAT... WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BLOODY NIPPLES! I don't recollect ASKING you about the condition of your nipples! If you stop you are definitely a selfish and bad mother! You can't handle the pain of giving your baby what is best... therefore you are selfish.
Scenario #5
"I just don't want to."
Imagine mouths dropping and eyes staring at you in awe...(Insert various health benefits and their success story)
This reasoning is just NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!
As if we don't already know about the health benefits and all that. We really don't want to hear YOUR story because sometimes it brings up painful issues that we may not want to talk about. We already feel like bad mothers because we've been bombarded with looks and snide comments. We feel like less of a woman because we can't do what's "natural". And sometimes... we just don't WANT to breastfeed. Some of us just don't have the desire to. And... that's OK!
We get drilled into our heads that if you don't breastfeed, you don't care about your baby's health. You won't bond with them, they won't be as smart... BLAH BLAH BLAH. Well guess what! I breastfed Oliver for 3 weeks... and he has lots of health problems. I didn't breastfeed Eden at all and she is fine! What do you have to say to THAT!?! I wasn't breastfed and I'm fine... I had a 3.7 cumulative GPA throughout high school. I bonded with my mom and she is one of my best friends! I don't have any life threatening health problems. Poppycock, I say... POPPYCOCK!
It's great if you can do it, but it doesn't mean that you were bestowed with blessings from on high, and that the Lord loves you more because you can do it! It doesn't automatically make you a better mom. It absolutely does NOT give you the right to judge others who can't or who choose not to. Parenting is hard enough as it is without someone up in your face about something that we never even asked your opinion about in the first place!!! Leave your success stories for those who really want to know... for those who need the help and ask for your advice... for the circle of people who likewise have had success. Please be a little more sensitive to those of us who choose to bottle feed our babies! It's not like we are feeding them poison!!! It's a choice and Heavenly Father loves us just the same!! He's the one who has sent those spirits to us and has all the faith in us to raise them up and teach them the important things in life... Breastfeeding is not one of them.
In closing, I would like to say that it's great if you can breastfeed and you like it and have had success. Awesome. It's great if you choose not to breastfeed. You are still providing nourishment for you baby! Awesome. If you can't breastfeed, don't feel like a bad mom or less of a woman. Parenting is hard enough without constantly comparing ourselves to others. Judgement is a waste of everyone's time and energy. Like the poster at the top... it's an individual choice... LET IT BE! Let's band together to stop the things that are most likely to harm our children, abuse, drugs, pornography, etc. I'm sure we are all in agreement on the potential for harm these issues bring.
4 comments:
All I can say is AMEN SISTAH!! I tried with both the girls and it was horrible experience and so I've decided enough is enough I'm going to do what I know is right with baby #3. It is so nice to know that I am not the only one who gets "the look" and "the question". I feel so vindicated...thanks Stacy!
I just wrote on this in my blog. My wife wanted to breastfeed, but couldn't. it worked out for me, because feeding my children as a father helped me to bond with them.
Hey, I am glad that you posted this. Luckily I haven't gotten too many rude comments about my bottle fed babies, except probably people who think that is why they are such big boys. But, Hello- I think the answer to all of the why questions is "None of your business." Though I also feel bad for the women who get dirty looks for discreetly breastfeeding their babies when they need to in public. For heaven sake, there is just no right answer. Hurray!
Hey Stac- remind me NEVER to tell you about my cracked and bleeding nipples!! ;o) J/K mine never did that. te he I love ya and even though I did breastfeed for a while, I stopped early and still got the looks and the, "What, you really should do it until they are at least 1!" Honestly, I wish I could have, cause it would have saved me oodles of money and time washing bottles, but the truth of the matter is that I could not. Simple. as. that. :o) Love ya Stacy! You are so gRRREAT!
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