So if you really want to know how to bug the crap out of me... just follow these few simple idiotic rules of engagement:
#1. Walk right down the middle of the street, alone or with 20 of your equally ignorant friends, when there is a perfectly usable sidewalk a few feet away. Welcome to 'the hood' of which we live.
#2. Don't move when a vehicle, especially my green van 'The Hulk', is approaching and seconds away from giving you a ride around town on its hood ornament... ok... it doesn't have a hood ornament, but you get my drift.
#3. Talk on your cell phone while driving and then give ME a dirty look while YOU aren't paying attention to who has the right of way.
#4. Pull into a parking spot when I've been waiting for that parking spot long before you arrived! TOWANDA!
#5. Worse yet, park in the new and expectant mothers parking spot and then be a MAN when you exit the car with NO EXPECTANT WOMAN or NEW MOTHER traveling with you! Seriously... do people realize how heavy carseats with babies in them are!?!
#6. Call me during dinner time, heck... ANY TIME, and don't say a word and wait for me to say "Hello" about two more times and THEN decide that you want to talk to me... for all of the lovely telemarketers out there.
#7. Smoke right outside a store so I can walk through a cloud of smoke and smell like your nasty ciggies all day long! Mmmmm... Yuuuuuummmm.
#8. Think that you are better than me or anyone else for that matter, simply because you have on some designer clothing or an ugly as sin designer handbag. Yeeeeeaaaaah... you are paying for a tag people... A TAG! Yeah. I'm so jealous that you spend an insane amount of money in order to feel superior... not gonna work. You can have that ugly as sin handbag, but you still have issues!
#9. Be nice to my face and be a complete jerk behind my back. Pretty... uh... self explanatory.
#10. Be my computer. If you want to tick me off beyond all recognition, just be my craptastic computer. You may enjoy "Dell's Wild Ride" out of my dining room window and end up in hell like Mr. Toad.
That's it for now. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.